A Paragon of Her Kind
by darthsquirt2
Summary: Commander Shepard, after finally defeating the Reaper threat, is forced to combat another one. The memories that she has been running from since Mindoir.
1. To sleep, perchance, to dream

Shepard awoke to a faint buzzing in her ears. It was odd really, she willed it to go away, but if anything it just got louder.  
"Im dead." she muttered  
"Just leave me alone." Only then did it strike her as odd. The dead generally didn't feel annoyed. She would know too, she had been dead before, after all. Shepard's eyes opened, and saw only a haze of blue. The buzzing grew louder still. She frowned, trying to remember what happened during her last moments at the Citadel. There had been a flash of light and heat, she had seen Joker, Anderson, and...Liara. Her vision cleared, and she saw Liara standing over her bed, a look of the upmost concern over her face.  
"Shepard!" she gasped, as if hardly believing it.  
"Liara? What's goi..." Liara disappeared, quickly replaced by Chakwas, who flew into motion checking bandages and medical readouts. The sudden flurry of activity made Shepard feel nauseous, and after a few seconds she lapsed into unconsciousness, the last thing she heard being Liara's voice calling out  
"Jane!" as she slipped again into oblivion.

It was dark, and quiet. The med-bay had long since been empty, the last few occupants being ushered out by Chakwas, insistent that they needed rest. All that remained after them was the still form of Commander Shepard. Other than the small rise and fall of her chest, no movement was discernable. Nevertheless, EDI kept her vigil, silently watching over the Commander. She had allocated considerable processing time to this task, she admitted to herself; the unit on the bridge was functioning at less than peak efficiency. After taking a moment to rectify that error, she continued to watch, ready to summon the doctor lest something happen to her...friend? Well, she thought, the Commander had certainly acted like one. Yes, the more she processed the idea, the more certain she became. She had acted with remarkable kindness and understanding throughout their relationship, remarkable really considering that EDI had actually been created by Hannibal while Shepard was destroying it. She let the bridge unit's efficiency slip once more. Nothing would happen to Shepard that she could prevent.

Liara was quiet, laying alone on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Chakwas had assured her that Shepard was stable, but she couldn't help but worry. What if something happened to Shepard? What would she do then? Liara didn't think she could stand loosing her again.  
"Shepard" she whispered, as tears ran silently down her face.

Tali sat in the lounge again, a glass in her hand, sipping the brandy-triple filtered of course-through an emergency injector straw. Port, She reminded herself. It seemed like such a trivial matter as she recalled who was laying just across the hall, still in a coma. She told herself it was just another toast to Shepard, but it was really an attempt to block out what she had seen on the Citadel. The bodies, the experiments, the Illusive Man, Anderson, and most of all Shepard. She still recalled the state in which they had discovered her, she Liara and Garrus. Bloodied and tattered, they had dragged both bodies off the station and back to the Normandy, were Chakwas was still treating Ashley and James for the wounds they sustained holding the gun battery on Earth. Chakwas quickly pronounced Anderson dead, and began to operate on Shepard. She was said that the operation was a success, but none of them had left her side until Chakwas had forced them out. Time for another drink, she decided, and poured another glass.

Ashley decided the same thing, and took the bottle from Tali when she was done with it. She had only recently been discharged from the med-bay herself, only to stay, watching Chakwas try to save the Commander. She had said that the operation had been a success, and in truth, the Commander had survived worse, but she just didn't know. And like any soldier, faced with an enemy they can't fight, she groused about it over a drink. Vega had done the same, but had passed out after downing several bottles. Ashley smiled grimly. He would have on hell of a hangover tomorrow. Come to think of it, she would too. Her smile turned to a grimace as she reached for a glass of water.

Joker had been at his station for sixteen hours straight. EDI had told him that he needed his rest. He had, of course, completely ignored it. EDI was quiet now, he noticed, unusual for her. Then again, he had been unusually quiet, and he usually initiated verbal communications, as EDI once said. He was worried, and since he had nothing better to do, he flew the ship, unaware that EDI had isolated his terminal and was flying the ship herself-Joker wasn't in the healthiest state of mind. Joker was, like all crew members, worried. Shepard had survived everything the galaxy threw at her, she beat Sovereign and Saren, the collectors, she had even bested the Reapers with the crucible. It was only fair that she got to live in the galaxy she had spent o long trying to save.

Garrus shared the same thought, sitting alone in the main battery. He really didn't know what else to do. Shepard was in a coma, and once again, he found himself grappling with something he couldn't fight. But ever time he felt like that, he tried to do something about it. He tried to fight injustice, joining C-Sec, only to be trapped in the bindings of bureaucracy. Shepard had given him a way out of that, and a chance to really make a difference by fighting Saren. After her death, he had tried to do the same thing, and gotten his entire squad killed in the process. Shepard had not only saved him, but helped him exact revenge on the turian responsible. He had fought alongside her, and commanded the second squad both times, during the assault on the collector base, saving hundreds of thousands of humans from abduction. He fought the Reapers on the moons of Palaven, and Shepard hive him the chance to fight beside her again, and they had done it. Now he was fighting another battle against hopelessness. And he had a feeling that Shepard couldn't help him now.

EDI noticed a increase in Shepard's heartbeat, and called in Chakwas. She came bursting through not two seconds later, and ran to Shepard's side, flying into motion once again, trying to discern why Shepard's heart rate was increasing so much.

She ran. the noises growing louder behind her. The ground rumbled, and a man screamed out in agony, and was cut silent. She was tempted to turn back, but the sound of gunfire stopped her. Women and children screamed. Tears welled in Shepard eyes, Mindoir was burinig, and she couldn't stop it. Suddenly an armored four eyed man stepped in front of her, blocking her path, she turned around and saw two more running towards her. One of them looked human, and she tried to plead with him, but he simply smiled and reached for her. Then his head disappeared, replaced by a cloud of red and pink. The man next to him fell too clutching at one of several red dots that appeared in his chest. She turned, and found that the one behind her had fallen over too. A group of men, clad in blue swept her up assuring her that she would be all right. The she was one of them, and her surroundings had changed. It was flat and barren. Several other men were around her. patrolling the area. Shepard heard a faint rumbling beneath her, and knelt down to check. Then the ground around her exploded up, enveloping the men around her she was threw several feet backwards and landed, sprawled, on all fours. Several thresher maws appeared out of the ground and began slaughtering the others. She began to fire back, to no effect. She watched helplessly as her squad-mates were massacred in front of her. Tears welling up in her eyes, and knowing that there was nothing she could do, she turned and ran, hoping to get back to the LZ. Then she was on Virmire, covering Captain Kirahee and his men as they boarded the Normandy. Ashley called out to Kaiden on the comm, but got only static in reply. Shepard ordered her on to the ship as they left their friend to die. The scene changed again, this time it was Vancouver, and there were Reapers everywhere. She heard screams, explosions, and bursts of gunfire, saw Reapers level entire city blocks in seconds, and knew once again that she was completely helpless. Anderson called to her, and they made their way down the side of the building amid the cries of the damned. Then she was in a dark forest, filled with bare trees and shadowy figures. She wandered through the woods, hearing whispers of the dead. Her old squad on Akuze, Mordin, Thane, Legion, Kaiden, Anderson. Her parents. Ahead she saw a boy, a young child in a whit sweatshirt and blue jeans, clutching a model fighter in his hand. She ran forwards, reaching out to the boy. He turned, and her heart stopped. Where the face of a young boy should have been, there were instead Reaper implants.  
"Fool" the boy growled at her.  
"This changes nothing." and he disappeared in a ball of fire, one that began to consume the forest around her, she turned to run, but the shadows started to move towards her, but they werent shadows anymore. They were reaper thralls, but she knew them. Liara, Garrus, Tali, Ashley, Joker, EDI, Miranda, James, Thane, Kaiden, Anders, Hackett, Kelly, Adams, Cortez, Gabriella, Donnely, Chakwas, Talitha, Toombs, Wrex, Grunt, Samara, Kasumi, Jacob, Zaeed, Jack, Saren, the Illusive Man, Udina, Mom, Dad. Then she realized that it was over. No more running. She simply stood still as the lumbered closer. She shut her eyes tightly.

Then opened them. and saw the figures standing around her. She closed her eyes again. But nothing happened. She opened her eyes, and realized that they had no Reaper implants, they were not the figures fo her nightmares, they were real, and she was still alive. She felt a hand clasp hers tightly, and looked up to see Liara crying at the side of her bed. She turned, and saw the rest of her squad beaming down at her, Chakwas having just pronounced that she would make a full recovery. Shepard was again close to tears, and saw that she wasn't the only one.


	2. The quiet in between

Shepard winced as pain shot up her leg. She grunted, then forced herself to keep pedaling. She wasn't actually supposed to start physical therapy for another few weeks, but laying in a hospital bed for the past three months had nearly driven her insane. It didn't help that she rarely got visitors anymore. Wrex was busy in negotiations with the Council, Ashley and Vega were mopping up remaining Reaper forces, and Garrus was recalled to Palaven. Tali was designated as the temporary Quarian Ambassador, following the Council's reactivation of their embassy. Liara still stopped by about once a week, but her visits seemed to grow shorter and shorter each time. Joker and EDI still kept in touch; they were on leave at the Citadel, recently cleaned and restored from the condition the Reapers left it in. She hadn't seen any of the others lately though. Miranda was off the net, Jacob was spending time with his wife, Jack was teaching again, Grunt was in the field, Samara was on Illium, Kasumi disappeared, and Zaeed was on Omega. Shepard checked her heart-rate on the monitor, grunted, and pedaled faster.

A nurse ran in about twenty minutes later. Shepard sighed. Back to bed for her. The nurse, after insisting that Shepard be wheeled back to her room, gave her a lecture about "overworking herself" and "recovery time". Shepard stifled a yawn. It could have been worse, she supposed. The nurse would have had a heart attack if she figured out how long Shepard' been in there.

Her nightmares were coming back now. After three weeks confined to bed, she had nothing to take her mind off them. Tali was gone now, and Wrex was back on Tuchunka. Ashley had assumed temporary command of the Normandy; Joker and EDI had gone with her. Shepard would've given anything to go with them. She wondered where Liara was. She hadn't stopped in that week. Shepard had told Liara that she didn't need to, and that it wouldn't hurt her feeling if she didn't. But it didn't make the waiting any less lonely. Shepard resigned herself to sleep, and dreamed-once again-of Akuze.

She awoke suddenly, and in a cold sweat. The dream had been worse this time. The other soldier on Akuze had been her team-mates, the Colonists, her family. She closed her Eyes tight, but still couldn't banish the memories from her mind. She looked out the window and saw her reflection.  
"You're loosing it Jane." she muttered.

The light had been turned up too bright, and she waited for the camera crew to turn it down. They did, but only a little. Shepard silently cursed whoever thought it was a good idea to do an interview now. Probably the nurse, she decided. Well then, if she was well enough to do an interview, then she was certainly well enough to do a little work in the gym.  
"Are you ready Commander?" asked one of the older reporters. She nodded in reply.  
"This is Troy Altman, Westerland News. I have tonight, with me, Commander Jane Shepard, the woman responsible for the defeat of the Reapers just a few months ago." Shepard forced herself not to yawn and braced herself for a long evening.

Each station got a thirty minute "exclusive" interview, were each asked exactly the same questions, and got similar answers. That was helped by the C-Sec officer in the room, whose icy stare tended prevent most reporters from asking controversial or invasive questions. Most reporters. The last one was a young reporter, recently an intern, whose excitement and investigative spirit, were unchecked by experience. All in all, the worst pick for the job.  
"Commander Shepard?" he asked when it was his turn,  
"Some experts say that, based on your experiences on Mindoir, an Akuze, and in the imploy of Cerberus, that you may be mentally unfit for duty." The others in the room saw ot first, the sudden flash of pain behind her eyes, quickly replaced by fury. They froze. The C-Sec officer, a look of complete shock upon his face, started to push towards the young reporter.  
"How would you respond to these claims"  
"No comment" her eyes said it all.  
"Get the hell out of here!" the C-Sec officer roared.  
"But the public has the right to know whether..." He didn't get to finish. The officer dragged him out of the room. Shouting could be heard from outside. Shepard looked down, and saw that her hands were shaking. The cameraman cut the feed. He gathered up the remaining equipment, and left, unwilling to intrude an a lone woman's greif.

Shepard stared out the window. The stars were the only source of light in the room. She looked at the time on her omni-tool. She really needed to get some sleep. Taking a deep breath and bracing herself, she rolled over and closed her eyes.

She awoke, surrounded by fire and smoke, a heavy weight pressed against her chest. She inhaled, and pushed upwards, lifting the remains of a support beam off her chest. She looked around, the scenery was still obscured by smoke, but it seemed familiar. Looking to her right she saw someone else trapped under a beam. Shepard limped over and hefted it off the woman and saw...Miranda. Shepard almost dropped the beam in shock. This couldn't be. She turned around and saw another body, Kasumi this time.  
"No" Shepard gasped.  
"Oh please no." Her comm started beeping and joker's voice came through the speaker.  
"Shepard! Where the hell re you?"  
"Joker? what's going on?"  
"Don't check out on me now Commander, get back to the Normandy!" Shepard wanted to question further, but the smoke cleared, and she saw the scene around her. It was the Collector base, and the bodies of her squad lay bleeding around her.  
"Shepard!" Joker's voice cried out in desperation.  
"Shepard!"  
"Shepard?"

She awoke, her face drenched in perspiration, her hands shaking.  
"Commander?" the receptionist asked over the speakers,  
"Commander are you there?" Shepard thumbed the intercom  
"Yes?"  
"Priority call from an Admiral Hackett for you."  
"Put it through."  
"Shepard. How are you feeling?" His voice sounded throughout the room.  
"What is it sir?" Shepard asked worried.  
"It's no galaxy threatening race of ancient machines this time, so I think we can handle it. I called to ask about you. According to the doctors, you shouldn't be able to walk, let alone spend time in the gym." Shepard was stunned.  
"Sir I don't..." Hackett cut her off.  
"The hell you don't Shepard. You're pushing yourself over the limit, and the last thing I need, is for you to burn out. Understand?"  
"Yes Sir." What else could she say? The comm clicked off. Twelve more weeks, then I can leave, she reminded herself, looking at her reflection in the window.  
"If I can stay sane that long."


	3. The peace we created

"You have a choice, more than you deserve." Shepard cradled her side as the apparition droned on. Her breathing grew heavier the longer she stood. Every breath was soon an effort. Her side burned. She couldn't hear the child's next words; they seemed to come as though from a great distance. But Shepard had already made her decision.  
"NO." she muttered through gritted teeth. The child cocked its head quizzically.  
"Excuse me?"  
"I refuse to do this. I will not sacrifice a race to the Reapers, and I will not assimilate myself, or anyone to the Reapers. I won't become what I hate. What I've fought against." She paused, breathing was almost impossible not. Each breath brought up blood to her mouth.  
"What I will do is stand here and watch as my fleet does as much damage to your creations as they can, and if we die, we die to buy time for another option, another try. You can't kill us all. Eventually you can, you will be brought down." Sheppard spat out the last words, along with a little of her lungs. Blood spattered the bulkhead. She turned, now very lightheaded, to watch the progressing battle. Seconds passed in silence. Suddenly a terrifying howl split the air. Shepard fell to the ground. The sound seemed to pierce her eardrums, blood pooled around her head as the sound blared on. The anguished screams of a child. These shouts quickly morphed into those of a Reaper. The child, whose face was now covered with Reaper implants, advanced upon her.  
"Fool" growled the voice of Harbinger "You have doomed your own race to destruction."  
"Go to hell." Shepard muttered as the world around her vanished in a flash of light. The light faded, and Shepard felt a great weight upon her chest. She couldn't breathe. She tried to push it off, but a lance of pain shot up her right arm, and her left arm didn't respond. Her vision was blurred, she could barely see. She glanced around the burning room, as much as her neck would allow her. Funny thing, in addition to the fires, she could have sworn she heard voices. Shepard frowned. There they were again, only louder. Shepard tried to focus, hear what they were saying, but she felt lightheaded, the room span, and the voices grew louder, more urgent. Two figures ran towards her, one white, the other blue. The blue one started trying to lift the rubble. The white one stopped in front of her. Its face was blue, she seemed familiar to Shepard, but she couldn't place her. Until she spoke.  
"Shepard!" the figure shouted, alarmed.  
"L-Liara?" Shepard could hardly speak.  
"Yes Shepard. Its me." Her face was glistening.  
Shepard's right hand was freed; the Blue figure was trying to lift the rubble off her chest. Shepard grabbed Liara's arm. The room began to spin again, only faster. Blackness crept at the corners of Shepard's vision.  
"Is it over?" Shepard gasped, as a lance of pain shot up her arm.  
"Yes Shepard, It's over. Because of you." The blue figure stopped moving. It watched Shepard, Its face was glistening too.  
"No" Shepard breathed as she slipped into oblivion, "because of you."  
Shepard awoke with a start. The pain was gone. She could breathe. Her eyes quickly scanned her surroundings. She relaxed. It was her apartment on Illum, temporary capitol for the Council. Something stirred next to her, she glanced over at the prone form of Liara, lying at the other side of the bed. Her muscles were tensed, and her face contorted in pain. She was thinking about Thessia Shepard surmised. She gently placed her hand on Liara's shoulder; after a few moments, her face relaxed, and her shoulders slumped. Her mouth curved into a slight smile. Shepard, a similar expression on her face, lay down, falling back into more pleasant dreams.


End file.
